No9. 'Nira's Home Bakery' Koh Phagnan, Thailand

No9 Nira's Home Bakery - Koh Phagnan - Thailand
(From our Thailand Correspondent: Simon Bennett) 




And so it had happened, without realising it, 7 months sans Full English. Having accidentally taken a 'Colonial Route' around the world, one might have expected a few greasy spoonings. Alas my standout nutritious awakenings have been more continental/oriental in nature;

-A groundbreaking Eggs Benedict in Guatemala (the addition of Sautéed Potatoes winning my stomach's heart)
-An exotic Granola / Fruit / Yogurt / Compote in Fiji (however, the abundance of pristine beachfront might have somewhat tinted my flavour spectacles)
-Saigon's Banh Mi (the sandwich of unimaginable dreams) burning through the morning's taste buds.

Nevertheless I nursed a nagging suspicion that something significant was missing from my life, and it took a hangover of immense proportions in order to get to the bottom of it.

Koh Phagnan in the Thai Gulf is known for its Full Moon Parties, Sex Tourism and general debauched moped related shenanigans.  We left a club determined to enjoy ourselves without the horrific four beats to the floor and found a cheap pool bar to continue our chaos long into the morning. The next day, we awoke to throbbing foreheads and broken spirits. It is fair to say that coupled with our homesickness, this booze related malaise had rendered us 'Empty English'.

To the rescue? Nira's Home Bakery!

Nira's Bakery sits opposite the port entrance in KPN, and offers ExPat Europeans solace from the trance and techno based discord outside. The cafe was opened by a French lady (Nira) in 1985 and has received rave reviews ever since.   
Joining me on this particular morning was fellow broken explorer Alex 'Bainsworth' Marcou and my other half (and food photographer extraordinaire) Kathryn 'The Vegan' McDowell. Alex opted for Croissant and Eggs and Kathryn a Granola Fruit thing. The friendly Thai waitress almost ordered the fry up for me - it was clear that this English Patient needed his medicine.

The Fry Up

And then there it was; Nira's Full English; Sausages, Bacon, Fried Eggs, Beans, Fried Tomatoes, Mushrooms, (Salad?), Two Slices of Toast, Proper Salty Butter, Orange Juice and a Latte (sorry I needed more caffeine than an English Breakfast Tea would provide - but it was on the menu).

For many years I have been the lucky owner of the prestigious title 'Condiment King'. It was as if Nira somehow knew this and played to my biggest weakness; Sauce. After the meal was delivered a waiter wandered over with a pop-up table, set up up and bestowed upon it a full set of condiments. A Sauce Table!This was new, exciting and from my perspective (as a man with an entire sauce cupboard) wholly appropriate. Liberal dollops of Heinz Tomato and HP Brown were applied (only the lack of Coleman's Mustard denying me the usual 'Condiment Trio' or 'Big Three').


...what's that peeping round on the left? (Editors comments)

The Sausages were genuinely good, meaty (less than 10% rusk), herby and with a trademark Thai cut pattern that according to Kathryn made them look like 'Pigs Cocks'.

The Bacon was not your average full rasher format, but in smaller pieces (possibly in preparation for inclusion in sandwiches). However, the meat was slightly caramelised, crispy, salty and frankly a worthy substitution for the more fat laden full rasher approach.

The Eggs, splendid - all in order here. A 'double yolk / Single base' manoeuvre - not too greasy and no telltale blackened burnt bottom from a filthy frying surface. The yolks broke a perfect yellow goo over the proceedings, with no uncooked white in the mix. Good work... !

The Beans are where Nira really comes into her own. Aloof, presented on their own clam shaped pedastal, they were oversized, almost butterbean-like and with a sweetness that brought the entire plate alive. When combined with the egg-yolk, sausage, bacon, bread/butter kebab technique (as previously explained by The Editor ) we edged ever closer to the holy grail of fry up experiences.

The fried tomatoes I am not 100% au fait with official Fry up guidelines (as some readers will be quick to point out) - so this is more of an open question to breakfasters - to herb or not to herb? Nira had sided with the former, which in my humble opinion worked nicely. The mushrooms, an oversight on my part during the sleepy ordering process - left untouched as always. Bread and Butter worked a treat, with slightly more crusty, grainy oomph than the plasticky bread of the motherland.

A thing of wonder and joy, here on an island miles from home - to be looking at a plate that (apart from unnecesary salad) embodied everything fabulous about Blighty. For ten minutes I transported back to Greenwich, to the centre of it all, GMT, friends, family and loved ones; my hangover paused, my homesickness frozen. The true power of the Full English in full effect...

All in all, a repatriating experience for a broken Englishman, a flavoursome crutch in time of need and most of all; some greasy stodge to soak up the remaining Thai whiskey in my system.

It goes without saying that after this meal, I was full English again!